Another huge update as the craziness keeps on going for the Vogel fam. First, we have been SUPER stressed with this stupid living situation and Josh and I pretty much moved everything into storage. Then we actually ended up just giving our landlord rent because we knew we weren't going to find a place quickly enough in order to be out and not have to pay full rent for the month. On top of Josh starting his new job, looking for a place to live,and trying to take care of two kids I nearly had a nervous breakdown the night before Chelsea's shower. All-in-all I had tons of fun at the shower and the little bit of the bachelorette party I went to, but truthfully, I am just too stressed out right now to really enjoy a social outing. Of course I wouldn't have missed it for the world but it seemed to add to my stress instead of ease it.
I found a couple of decent places I liked (townhouses) but it turned out Josh hates the area one of them is in and he wouldn't even go to see it with me after I had already seen it and basically told the lady we'd take it! So that just turned into a huge fight since I have been trying to find a place for us while he is at work, which isn't easy considering I have to take two kids with me everywhere I go. He is being SUPER picky about location and everything and wants to go for a cheaper 2 bedroom place so we can start saving for a down payment for a house. Of course I want that too, but we really have too much stuff for a smaller place now and he doesn't realize that $800 and $900 is pretty much standard rent for a decent place these days! I started freaking out again yesterday about all of this and I was just about to lose it again when the strangest thing happened. I was dragging the kids to the bank inside the pick n save on 76th street to deposit a check and I was crying in the car before because of all the stress and I hadn't eaten all day, etc...and was feeling really shitty and down. I was looking at the ground with the baby carseat about to break my arm off and ethan lagging behind when I looked up to see a really old frail man walking out towards me. He looked at me and said "Can I take him home?" (refering to Ethan). I looked at him with a tired half smile and said "Sure, that would be great" (joking of course). He said, "You know, in a year, you won't say that". I asked him, "Why is that?" and he said "because he's your treasure". Just like that. I said "you're right, yes he is". and turned to walk away. All of the sudden I felt like I was moving in slow motion and felt everything slow down around me. My heart relaxed and tension eased out of my shoulders. That one comment just grounded me and my world in that moment. As, I stood in line for the bank, I picked Ethan up and just held him and hugged him for a long time. Ethan said, "Mom what are you doing?" and I realized by stressing out I am just hurting him in the end. As long as I have the people around me that I love and that love me, everything else will be ok.
Later that evening, Josh and I were fighting about stuff again and it just blew up into other past things that are totally stupid (the same shit we always bring up to each other just to piss the other person off!). I wanted so bad to stay mad at Josh just because I was feeling sorry for myself and us and all of the shit that's been going on. Then Josh came to sit next to me and looked at me and said, no matter what is happening now, he'd rather be in it with me, then have everything else be perfect, but not have me there. He was really sweet, just saying that he wouldn't know what to do if he didn't have me there, becasue we are best friends and I just started crying again.
For some reason we always seem to take one step forward and two (or three or four!) back. We really have been fighting so hard to get things together and it just won't ease up. I know Josh's job is a definite blessing since it is a REAL job and has a lot of potential. AND the thought of soon buying a house is great. But I know the road to get there will be long and bumpy...
Pandora's Box: A Blog for Artists
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
HUGE Update
Wow. It's been awhile since i've had time to breath much less blog, but I have so much to write about if i wait any longer i won't have time to cram it all in!
Zachary Vogel...AKA Pee Pee McPoo Poo
Little Zachary isn't so little anymore. At his 4 week check-up he weighed 11 1/2 lbs and grew an inch! He already has grown out of all of his newborn and almost all of his 3 month clothes! What can I say, I guess I have big babies :)Ethan's such a good big brother and he tried to help as much as I'll let him and I am so relieved to see that he loves his little brother and he really isn't jealous at all. And thankfully he isn't one of those kids who wants to hurt him or something! It's been pretty rough trying to adjust to having 2 kids to take care of. I find myself thinking of the days when Ethan was a baby and I could actually take a nap when he did or get some house work done. But I am much more in control this time and I feel like I have a much better handle on all things in general since I have gone through it before. Still, I kind of forgot how much work babies are!
Stubs McGee
Okay, I'm not mean but to make light of Josh getting two of his finger tips cut off, he has some new nicknames. I won't get into the gory details, but it was pretty nasty and it's been a long and painful recovery for Josh. Not to mention the part about me trying to take care of a newborn, a four-year-old AND a husband with no use of his left hand! (Side note: Josh was awesome helping me with the baby, especially at night, even after he cut his finger tips off!)
Frat Party?
Ok, so besides the shock of Josh's finger accident, our landlord sent us a letter saying he is ending our month-to-month lease! I know we were planning on leaving soon anyways because we think he is really intrusive and annoying, I couldn't believe he was actually "kicking us out" basically. I confronted him about it and told him exactly what I thought about it. Basically I told him off and ended it by calling him a jerk and walking away. It was quite refreshing actually to say so many things I had been wanting to for so long. I can understand if he doesn't want a month-to month or maybe he has someone else in mind he wants to rent the place to or maybe he plain just doesn't like us. But he didn't have to handle the situation the way he did. He could have given us a little more warning considering we have a newborn baby and Josh has use of only one hand for the next couple of months. So the guy is an asshole in my book. Also, when I asked him why he was ending the lease he gave me some half assed excuses and actually said he feels like he is living in a frat house. I was literally speechless when he said that. I guess he felt that because he found a few cigarette butts and beer bottle caps on the ground outside we live in a frat house. I have never been so insulted by someone before and I look at it as a good thing because we are finally getting the hell away from the psycho landlord.
Movin' On Up!
Despite Josh's injury at work, things are going very well with his new job. He's actually being considered for a promotion right now for Kohl's in Menomonee Falls where he would be managing their printing operations. This would be a huge step up and most likely a really nice pay increase. We've actually started to think about buying a house!
Recap
All-in-all things have balanced themselves out as usual. With the good comes the bad and vice versa. It seems to work that way in our life lately, and things will usually always even themselves out. Not an easy thing to learn in life, but something we've both come to terms with together. Although we didn't get to do anything "special" for our 5 year anniversary, I feel like the reward was an emotional one for us this year. And it seems fitting that it feels that way at a significant time such as our anniversary this year; 5 years married and 10 years together. We have really solidified lately as a couple and I feel like we are really in sync about where we are going and what we are doing with our lives. Also, because of all of the shit that has been thrown our way, we have come out so much stronger. We have a much easier time dealing with problems when they arise. Sometimes it feels like the bad things are so huge and important and the good things come so few and far between. But really, how could I complain about the things that haven't exactly been good in our life lately when I have come out of it with my two beautiful children and a wonderful husband. I think we get so ahead of ourselves sometimes in what we want and think we need in life that sometimes things happen to slow us down and remind us what is really important in life. Josh may have lost two tips of his fingers but he said he was really going to miss the time he got to spend at home with me and Ethan and Zach. How can you beat that!? It may seem small, but it the large scheme of things, that is what really matters in life.
Zachary Vogel...AKA Pee Pee McPoo Poo
Little Zachary isn't so little anymore. At his 4 week check-up he weighed 11 1/2 lbs and grew an inch! He already has grown out of all of his newborn and almost all of his 3 month clothes! What can I say, I guess I have big babies :)Ethan's such a good big brother and he tried to help as much as I'll let him and I am so relieved to see that he loves his little brother and he really isn't jealous at all. And thankfully he isn't one of those kids who wants to hurt him or something! It's been pretty rough trying to adjust to having 2 kids to take care of. I find myself thinking of the days when Ethan was a baby and I could actually take a nap when he did or get some house work done. But I am much more in control this time and I feel like I have a much better handle on all things in general since I have gone through it before. Still, I kind of forgot how much work babies are!
Stubs McGee
Okay, I'm not mean but to make light of Josh getting two of his finger tips cut off, he has some new nicknames. I won't get into the gory details, but it was pretty nasty and it's been a long and painful recovery for Josh. Not to mention the part about me trying to take care of a newborn, a four-year-old AND a husband with no use of his left hand! (Side note: Josh was awesome helping me with the baby, especially at night, even after he cut his finger tips off!)
Frat Party?
Ok, so besides the shock of Josh's finger accident, our landlord sent us a letter saying he is ending our month-to-month lease! I know we were planning on leaving soon anyways because we think he is really intrusive and annoying, I couldn't believe he was actually "kicking us out" basically. I confronted him about it and told him exactly what I thought about it. Basically I told him off and ended it by calling him a jerk and walking away. It was quite refreshing actually to say so many things I had been wanting to for so long. I can understand if he doesn't want a month-to month or maybe he has someone else in mind he wants to rent the place to or maybe he plain just doesn't like us. But he didn't have to handle the situation the way he did. He could have given us a little more warning considering we have a newborn baby and Josh has use of only one hand for the next couple of months. So the guy is an asshole in my book. Also, when I asked him why he was ending the lease he gave me some half assed excuses and actually said he feels like he is living in a frat house. I was literally speechless when he said that. I guess he felt that because he found a few cigarette butts and beer bottle caps on the ground outside we live in a frat house. I have never been so insulted by someone before and I look at it as a good thing because we are finally getting the hell away from the psycho landlord.
Movin' On Up!
Despite Josh's injury at work, things are going very well with his new job. He's actually being considered for a promotion right now for Kohl's in Menomonee Falls where he would be managing their printing operations. This would be a huge step up and most likely a really nice pay increase. We've actually started to think about buying a house!
Recap
All-in-all things have balanced themselves out as usual. With the good comes the bad and vice versa. It seems to work that way in our life lately, and things will usually always even themselves out. Not an easy thing to learn in life, but something we've both come to terms with together. Although we didn't get to do anything "special" for our 5 year anniversary, I feel like the reward was an emotional one for us this year. And it seems fitting that it feels that way at a significant time such as our anniversary this year; 5 years married and 10 years together. We have really solidified lately as a couple and I feel like we are really in sync about where we are going and what we are doing with our lives. Also, because of all of the shit that has been thrown our way, we have come out so much stronger. We have a much easier time dealing with problems when they arise. Sometimes it feels like the bad things are so huge and important and the good things come so few and far between. But really, how could I complain about the things that haven't exactly been good in our life lately when I have come out of it with my two beautiful children and a wonderful husband. I think we get so ahead of ourselves sometimes in what we want and think we need in life that sometimes things happen to slow us down and remind us what is really important in life. Josh may have lost two tips of his fingers but he said he was really going to miss the time he got to spend at home with me and Ethan and Zach. How can you beat that!? It may seem small, but it the large scheme of things, that is what really matters in life.
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