It is so tremendously heartbreaking to think about this and write about this. But, to our disbelief and shock, Zach is losing his battle with non-hodgkins lymphoma; basically, the doctors have deemed the cancer to be terminal. Zach has gone through two years courageously battling his cancer and receiving all of the treatments possible for his disease. He even underwent a bone marrow transplant, however, after each treatment the cancer grows more and more aggresive, hitting harder than ever before. As you can imagine, the entire family is completely devastated, especially his parents and his best friend and brother, Josh. It is just awful to see these loved ones in so much heartbreak and pain. Josh will be spending about half of his time in Iowa to be with Zach and help his parents. He is the rock for his family right now, sitting with Zach, watching movies, talking when he can, and just being there with him. Being there last weekend I could sense the relief in his parents to have Josh around to comfort Zach and ease their stress levels a little.
We just keep asking ourselves Why? Why did this have to happen to such a loving and caring person. someone who would do anything for his friends and family and only wants the best for the people around him. He is always selfless and kind, and if you have even just met him for two seconds, you know he can make anyone feel at ease and as if they have just made a new friend in Zach. he is such a special person and does not deserve to be going through this pain and hurt.
I guess all we can do now is be with him, comfort him, and make sure he is as comfortable as possible.
As I sat with Zach last weekend and the whirlwind of people coming and going to see him, the phone calls, the sniffles and crying in the background, i wonder, what is he thinking right now? About all of this? Mostly with his eyes closed just listening or open so slighlty you can't tell if he is sleeping or awake. He must be taking it all in, letting the world happen around him, as he sits silently in his own world, wondering what is going to happen. When you look in his eyes you know that he is so tired of the pain. But being as strong as he is, he doesn't want to give up. He still drives for a little every night by himself, just to get out and be alone. Away from the world he has come to know, just laying in his bed or in his chair, listening to everything around him. There is a sense of peacefulness around him, he is very calm. I hope in his own way he is coming to terms with what is happening and finding peace within himself and in whatever his beliefs may be in life and death.
I just want to remember Zach for who he is and always will be in our hearts and minds. Caring, strong, funny, loving, selfless, intelligent, sensitive, creative, soulful, and beautiful. What a wonderful person we have all been blessed to know for the time we have known him. To be continued....
4 comments:
I can't tell you how much reading this broke my heart. I'm no stranger to death in my family, but not at such a young age. It's hard to watch someone go through this. But sounds like he's going down fighting and everyone around him is too. There's a little headstart in getting some closure, being able to use every last moment and make the most of it.
There's no easy way to go through someone dying. The worst thing is to be scared of it though and try to ignore it. Sounds like that is not the case with you guys and that's great.
Be strong for Zach, but don't hide your feelings either. Going through this will undoubtedly make you stronger as a person and as a couple.
I heard about what happened and I'm so sorry for you, Josh, and all of Zach's friends and family. I only met Zach once but he always seemed like a lovely human being. I hope you all can help each other through this terrible loss and please pass along my condolences to Josh. You are in my prayers :)
Oh Tina, such beautiful things to say about Zach, every one of them couldn't be more true. Of course you, Josh, and all of Zach's friends and family are blessed to have such a strong, kind, and inspiring man like Zach in your lives...but he was also incredibly blessed. Because you all made his life that much better. Even when he was his sickest, he had you guys around...the best friends and family a guy could ask for! He left this world in warmth and comfort this weekend. He left knowing how much everyone loved him and how much he would return that love even from somewhere beyond this world. Zach had one of the best smiles of anyone I know and even though I didn't know him that well, I will ALWAYS remember his smile no question.
You all continue to be in my thoughts...I hope the funeral went well and everyone felt a sense of peace having said goodbye.
I hope to see you and Josh very soon :)
I appreciate all of your comments. it's very sad but after hearing what went down at the hospital, it actually comforts me knowing that Josh took care of his brother in his last moments and he was by his side when he took his last breath. He was very loved and was a truly genuine person, which is so rare to find. But at the same time, I think we have learned so much from Zach about life and what it means to be truly happy in life. I know it's hard now, but I think it's actually a little better now that we know he is not in pain anymore. Josh misses him so much, it just breaks my heart every time i think about it, but he has a really strong support system of friends and family and i know we will get through this. The funeral went very well. It was very sweet and sad at the same time. I was glad to see so many people made it even though the weather was terrible. Thanks again for your thoughts and phone calls and words of comfort; they are very much needed and appreciated. We couldn't get through this without having such supportive friends as well as family.
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